IT Consultant

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW 7 Series advanced out of a
dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Cartier sunglasses
and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you
exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
Will you give me a calf?'
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his HP notebook computer, connects
it to his Nokia N95 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ..
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL
database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech
Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,
'Okay, why not?'
'You're an IT Consultant', says Bud.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . .'

A beautiful relationship

“A beautiful relationship does not depend on how well we understand some one. It depends on how well we avoid the misunderstanding.”

With Love
Amitabh Bachchan

Honest Answers to HR Questions!!!

Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... but we give different, tailored and suitable answers to the guy ! 1. Why did you apply for this job? I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now. 2. Why do you want to work for this company? I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind. 3. Why should I hire you? You have to hire some one, you may give me a try. 4. What would you do if this happened? Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation... 5. What is your biggest strength? Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company 6. What is your biggest weakness? Girls 7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it? Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today 8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of? Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there. 9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it? Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that. 10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job? For the same reason why you left your earlier job 11. What do you want from this job? If no work is given but keep giving good hikes 12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them? Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs 13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us? Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website 14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that? Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard (I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%) __,_._,___

Big B's Den

" Your religion is what you do after the sermon is over "

A couple from Chennai have researched for years the glory of India its history and culture and its very roots. Have studied and analyzed our scriptures - Ramayana, Mahabharata, Vedas and put up a most interesting presentation called “Bharat Gyan’. In an hour long computer and verbal infotainment, they seek participation from me(Big B) in a project that I believe will be of immense value to all.
Of the hundreds of topics that they spoke about and gave me interpretations of, there was just one matter that I(Big B) learnt - that BC and AD, now no longer exist. Its BCE and CE and BP.
Before Common Era, BCE
Common Era, CE
And BP is Before Present.
And all this came about through debate and discussion in various International Historical Congress, because there was uncertainty on the date for the Birth of Christ. So periods mentioned as Before Christ and After Christ, had to be reconsidered.
There are about 500 to 600 hours of material collected by this duo on every possible aspect, mentioned exhaustively in the Rig Veda and associated manuscripts and I(Big B) am keen to get this across to the people of India and seek their questions and answers that this exercise shall raise.
It will be a fascinating experience, I promise.